Friday, 25 June 2010

Attention seeker.

It's weird that people use the term 'attention seeker' as an insult. It's just as weird that some people brag about being one too, now I think about it. All those t-shirts that Tammy always had in, proclaiming that the wearer to be one. I was never much of a Tammy fan, I never liked slogan t-shirts or the Avril Lavigne look, but that's neither here nor there. Everything living is an attention seeker, it's how organisms survive. What do you think the meaning of life is? The meaning of life is to be noticed, everything is trying to be noticed- everything NEEDS to be noticed in order to procreate. In order to live long enough to procreate. Survival of the fittest is actually survival of the most noticed.

But that's not really what this blog is about. As ever, this blog is about ME. More specifically, as ever, it's about my mental health. Somebody sent me a bit of Formspring hatin' about me being an attention seeker and I thought it was quite entertaining. Actually, if I remember correctly, the h8r (hahaha) said something like 'waaaah, waaaah, mental health should be a private issue. Blah, blah, if I wasn't so ENLIGHTENED I'd call you an attention seeker.' As hate goes, it was very funny because of how passive it was and how the writer obviously had no idea of what enlightened means (what are you enlightened about? Obviously not why I'm so open, or you wouldn't whinge). I'm not going to get into how mental health shouldn't have to BE a private issue (cancer patients don't swear that they're naturally bald. People with chicken pox don't have to shovel on the cover-up) as being ill isn't a crime, it's nothing to be ashamed or proud of. It just IS. I'm not homing in on that because I'm not hatin' on that. And besides, I wrote about that on my Formspring (formspring.me/rebeccaxylo).

Instead, this is about the attention seeker bit.

I am incredibly open, I realise that. I'm more open than anybody I know and because people aren't used to people like me, I make them very uncomfortable. That's because I know the meaning of life, you see. I know it's to be noticed, I'm just more evolved than you are. It's a pity I've probably killed my ovaries or I'd be procreating like shittery. Little attention seeking babies; left, right and centre. There's nothing wrong with being open, it's just a matter of survival.

If I had been open about certain things a long time ago, I would have avoided so many terrible things. I'm not sure whether that's irony or the reason I'm so open about what I'm going through now. So please, before you judge me for being this way, or before you bitch about me being an attention seeker- listen to the full story. Listen to MY story- don't presume to know shit about me, just because you know my diagnoses. You have no idea what I have been through. I'm not trying to brag and I am certainly no wannabe, I do not want to be ill. But I am and lying and hiding about that isn't going to change it. So why should I? Back off.

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