Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Betsy the (tattooed) bumble bee.

I always think that making a stand not to weigh myself will make me happier, because as a general rule I'm the biggest follower of the IGNORANCE IS BLISS school of thought. I have a bumble bee tattooed on my belly, have I ever written about that? 'Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway.' That's a reyt quote, right there. Now, Wikipedia shows that to be a bit of bullshit, but that's ok because I'm also fully enrolled in the BEAUTIFUL LIES ARE BETTER THAN UGLY TRUTHS school, which is actually a department in the ignorance academy. Just so you know.

But not weighing myself is not brilliant, because of the whole thing about eating disorders distorting vision and blahblah. You know, I'M NOT FAT, IT'S JUST THAT MY COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS ARE ALL I CAN SEE (I'm really knocking out the lines tonight, I'm on fire). I start off feeling good, but then I start to imagine my weight as being far higher and it all gets a bit ugly and I become a hermit and it's really actually awful. I weighed myself today, after a bad few weeks food-wise and anxiety-wise and found I was 4kg less than I expected. So suddenly the thought of spending tomorrow afternoon drinking tea with Smelliott, Friday in Leeds and then Saturday out in Manchester is all really, really lovely. Well, Friday isn't THAT lovely, since I'm not doing anything exciting in Leeds... BUT STILL. At least I'm not getting worked up about being (dundundun) seen by the general public and that is always a win, as my lovely Ais-Ga would say. In fact, I'm quite excited about the next few days.

The only cloud though, is tomorrow morning I have an appointment with my new psychiatrist, who is also the bloke who very, very nearly got me sectioned in June. My mum made an official complaint about the whole debacle and then he made me cry, hahahahaha. I know, it's gay of me but I'm actually pretty scared of the guy. That's the problem with psychiatrists, they have too much power. They know too much. They can do too much. But never mind, I'll wear something ridiculous and lisp a bit and then get out and go pick up my pillz and then come home for my tea date with Smelliott. Lovely.

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