Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Quick note about my recovery.

I've had a flick through my most recent posts and they seem to be really, well, I don't know. If I didn't know better I'd expect the voice behind them to be in some major arse denial by stating that she's in eating disorder recovery. So let me tell you something. I keep my weight stable. And I keep it there deliberately- I don't try to lose weight (which I'm pretty sure I could do, piece of piss) and obviously I'm not going to make an effort to gain. My BMI is maybe about 19.8, HEALTHY. I'm not happy with the number on the scales, I'm not happy with how my body looks, but I am very, very happy with the concept of health and how much healthier my body is now, than it has been in years. That's my one aspiration here, HEALTH. And so for that, and that alone, no matter how down I seem on my body, no matter how many days I struggle to eat or not to binge, as long as health is my main priority and I'm working as hard as I can for that, I think I can truly state I'm in recovery.

I'm not recovered. Let's draw that distinction, oui? I'm still fragile and as a general rule, my days are evenly split between a healthy amount of calories consumed in a healthy manner and days spent perishing in the disorder. But as I'm gradually getting stronger through, well, my DESIRE to get stronger, I'll get there. So don't worry about my recent vents and what appears to be me down. I have been down. I have eaten badly, if at all, but it's nothing more than a bump in the road, ok?

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