'I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.'
Everything, EVERYTHING, will be fine. I'm feeling poorly right now, so I won't write a lot, I'm going to save my thoughts on 2010 for another day, another blog, because I have so many and I can't let them go. On my noticeboard, over my desk in my room at uni, I have an empty bag of feed, from when I had the feeding tube earlier on in the year. At first I kept it because I wanted to remind myself never to go back, losing weight, whatever, is never worth that. But it's on my board now to remind myself how far I've come. An plastic bag that caused so much anxiety six short months ago, is now the symbol of... I don't know. Would it be melodramatic to say my life? I've come so far. So far.