Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Realising you're not made of glass.

Don't tell her I said so, but Willis said summat interesting yesterday. We were talking about how we are untouchable, how we cannot be hurt by anybody else, and she made the point that when you realise that you're not made of glass, nobody can hurt you and you can do anything. It's a better way of looking at the whole thing than the way I was looking at it, truth be told. We've both come to the conclusion that we're untouchable, that nothing or nobody can hurt us, and we have both arrived at this notion through being hurt. And yes, through realising that we are NOT made of glass.

Which is where Willis' theory stops; you hurt me more than I have ever been hurt, but still it doesn't break me, therefore I am unbreakable. Nice, neat. But it's slightly different for me. You CAN'T hurt me, not to any degree, because anything you can do to me I have done a thousand times worse to myself. Left on it's own like that, I think that's sort of sad. Especially when looked at in the present tense. I mean like, anything you can do to me right now doesn't compare to what I am doing to myself right now. That's a tougher one I suppose, since I am being relatively (relative in my own experience, rather than summat more general) nice to myself and so I suppose I don't really need to dwell on whether that's sad or not.

Or maybe I ought to think, because maybe it's not sad at all. Maybe it's liberating. That's what we were talking about to begin with, the freedom that comes from realising that we are not made of glass. Have you realised yet that you're not made of glass? Really? If your immediate response to that question is to scoff, to roll your eyes, or to not even really ask yourself it, it's because you are presuming that you know it. Or maybe you do know it, maybe it is that obvious. But do you believe it? Do you believe in your own strength or do you ever genuinely believe that you can't do this any more? The only thing that will break a person, that will break you, is the moment that suddenly you doubt your solidity. I'm not made of glass, but you might well make yourself into glass, do you understand?

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