Friday, 14 January 2011

'Just a cry for attention.'

Such a strange turn of phrase, for so many reasons. First of all the 'just'. Just? There's no 'just' in an action that harms oneself. I hate that people normalise these things; I used to hate when people, in an attempt to make me feel better, would liken my eating disorder to how most women have body issues or how everybody drinks to escape. I don't know why it bothered, bothers, me. Maybe you're making me feel like I'm over-reacting. What am I writing for? Maybe I want to be different? To be more, to feel more? Or less. I don't know.

I hate that 'cry for attention' is used to write an action off. It's unimportant because the person didn't mean to die. Well maybe the person did the action to try and get attention, help, before they DID mean to die. I'm trying to think whether any of my actions were or have been written of as a cry for attention. I'm not sure, the times around those actions are always a blur.

And I hate even more that it has negative connotations. It sounds vile, when you think about it. It implies control and something sort of childish and demanding. There's so much that isn't said by the phrase- the hurt that somebody has to feel, the indescribable pain, to inflict a self harming behaviour, be it as a cry for something or, I don't know, for some other reason. Maybe if a person cried for attention in this way, it's because they bloody need it.

Just a thought.

In other news, today I planned two essays, went to the doctor, took a walk, tidied and cleaned my room. I can't stop, I need distractions. This next week is going to be so hard, stay with me.

3 comments:

  1. I'm staying with you. I got a bottle of pepsi max today, thought of you and wished i could drink tea with you one day. One day perhaps.

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  2. Definitely one day. You're more than welcome in the House of Ginge over easter, if you're still about that neck of the woods for any of it? Me and Lily keep saying we need to hang out again (it's been so long), so you should both come for tea and vodka and lovely things.

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