Thursday, 20 January 2011

Leave me alone.

I went to bed last night, turned off the light, and immediately started hysterically crying. My best friend here was out, my flat mate was out, I couldn't get hold of my boyfriend. In the end my boyfriend came and my flat mate came back- I'm so, so lucky. SO lucky. My flat mate had already bought me a bottle of Pepsi because I was down and my boyfriend is, I know, willing to do whatever.

All I want is to be left alone. I don't know how to describe this one, but that's what the feeling is. I don't want my friends and my boyfriend to leave me alone. I don't want my family to stop caring and people to stop listening. That's not what it is. But I feel like I'm drowning in feelings and sentiments that aren't my own, that aren't anybody's; feelings that other people have left behind, all the dread and the anger without a mind in which to dwell. I'm absorbing, picking up, what that what had flitted into the mind of somebody else, only to be discarded.

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