I've just, literally just, taken laxatives for the first time in over a year. Don't be disappointed, don't take this personally. Let go of my hand, so you don't slip on the ice with me.
I need to be empty, but I don't want the silence that usually comes with emptiness. I want a vacuum, I want to know that inside I am clean and I am empty, but I need some violence, too. An explosion in space. Sorry, I have too many terrible analogies going through my head, because I don't know how to explain these things to people who don't live their lives constantly and consistently searching for a weapon of mass self-destruction. And maybe I shouldn't try 'cause you understanding isn't going to change anything. But I need to communicate this.
I know I'm going to be disappointed in myself. But right now, I just want NOTHING inside of me.