Hi, Rebecca. Condron. Condom.
I'm a little bit drunk. In fact, I'm pretty damn drunk. But come on, what did you expect? OK, boxing day, 2009.
I want to give you a hug. You deserve the biggest hug I can give you, because Christmas was hard, so hard. You didn't need to spend so long trying to throwing your guts up yesterday, you really didn't. You should have enjoyed it like they all wanted you to, but that's ok. You didn't do anything wrong and nobody is cross at you. It's just sad you're suffering. Those tears, after you worked so hard to eat Christmas dinner, all that pain... it's OK, it's all ok. You didn't NEED to do it but it's alright that you thought you needed to, it's alright.
You've got a hard 9 months ahead of you, but don't let that scare you. You'll be in hospital and when you're out it'll feel strange because that'll end up the occasion, as against being 'on the inside', but that's ok. You'll be inside but that's when you'll learn to fight. They'll say that that's what's going to save you, to teach you, but they're wrong. You're going to hate it but you'll take something away from it. Not what you 'should', not a life of freedom... but knowledge that it's you, and only you, that can do this. The inside will hinder you, so it'll seem- it'll make you worse. But that's exactly what will teach you to fight- the fight against what they think you should do, and the knowledge that'll come of yourself and how strong you are.
Rebecca Condron, you hold the entire world. You have more strength than any of this will let you believe and far more than anybody could know. It's going to be hard. You're going to slip. But you will never, ever, fall. Not this way, anyway. You'll fall in love and you'll let someone fall in love with you. You'll be happy and you'll be sad- and you'll let yourself feel that, which is the biggest thing.
Love, always love