Saturday, 27 August 2011

Thank-you, body.

A valuable lesson about not dieting. I've spent the last week eating A LOT, LOT, LOT of shite and I've only gained a kilo. Cheers, body! I mean, I want the kilo gone and I plan on having it gone over the last few days... but better one kilo than the 3 or 4 I was expecting, haaaaaaaa.

In other news, I went down to Essex yesterday and packed up my summer room. I shouldn't read too much into it, but it's made me feel hollow. When I moved into that room, at the start of summer, I thought I was making such a good decision- to be down where my friends and my doctors were. I thought I was being sensible and I thought... Well. That to keep my life as stable as possible, keep my mental state stable. I should have seen the signs, of course- my mental state wasn't stable last term, anyway. With hindsight... But anyway, that's a whole other thing and I reck I'll just worry about it next year when I'm planning my summer.

I do kind of feel like I've failed, though. I guess I don't really need to say that the summer was NOT supposed to go how it did- I don't suppose many people plan on spending so long in hospital. I've done nothing this summer, but be ill. Which is bothering me not only because everyone seems to have DONE things and to have seen things or at least just had fun, but also because I haven't even done anything to build up my CV, which really needs some work. I've done NOTHING, but be ill. And I wasn't supposed to be moving out for another few weeks, but with all that's happened, I've just sort of been grounded (not in a naughty child sort of a way, there's nobody grounding me themselves. Just, yanno) in Scunthorpe. I have no foothold in Essex, but I feel like I've grown out of Scunthorpe, I just don't belong anywhere. I'll be back at uni in 5 weeks, it's just 5 weeks of feeling so unsettled, I suppose I just need to remember that. Ooft.

But anyway, my boyfriend is coming on Tuesday and then I have plans (it's my 21st on Thursday, feel free to buy me a drink, hahahaha) and so at least I have that. I'm lucky, I'm very lucky.

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