Monday, 19 December 2011


On Saturday, I got up and rolled downstairs, flicked the lid of my laptop up to scroll down facebook, see if I'd missed anything, ahem, important. And I had; important even, not 'important'. For once, my page wasn't full of shite about nights out and hangovers. Instead, my newsfeed was full of people who had been in my year at school, posting statuses about what a sad day it was, with ambiguous RIP messages. I don't think I've ever felt so sick, at that moment any of the 150 or so members of my year who hadn't posted, could have been dead. For a moment, they all were.

Finding out who it was didn't make me feel any better. I hadn't seen Harry Travers since college and we hadn't really spoken since school. Bar a couple of dates we went on when we were about 15 and the fact that we had a trillion mutual friends and hung around in a similar circle, we didn't have masses to do with each other. I've noticed that when a person dies, people who weren't that close to them create an exaggerated grief and those not truly affected seem to attempt to compete, in this. I'm not talking about those who post respects and heartfelt messages, more the ones who post 17 times and clearly have had very little to do with the deceased, and that's exactly what I'm not after doing here. But it's hit me.

A part of my school life is forever gone. A part of Saint Bede's class of '07 is forever gone. The fact that a person so young, so loved, so important to so many, that that person, their light can go out. A family left, a week before Christmas. It's a sudden gap. When a person dies after a great age, they fade until their fire is a candle flame that burns out. But Harry's light was a forest fire was somehow extinguished in a heartbeat, leaving all sort of gaps and broken hearts. Even those of us on the cusp cannot comprehend a world without him, the void in our school experience and a bittersweet flavour to our memories of those years. I can't even imagine the pain for his friends and family, and I'm grateful for my ignorance.


  1. I can relate to this a fair bit - and I'm sorry it's tough. It really is, when dealing with death - regardless how close you were. Sometimes it's seeing those close to you be so affected

  2. Sorry your friend died :/
    I just wanted to say that I found your blog accidentally and it really scared me (not that I wasn't scared enough already) mainly about the foreign placement thing (because I only read a few posts) because if I ever manage to do "well" (as in badly, but the chances of that are slim because I'm shit) I couldnt live if I wasn't able to travel and I'm really sorry you couldn't do that placement and I wish you all the luck in the world on making an absolute total and full recovery.
    Sorry for commenting on here, you probably wouldn't want me to, as I'm one of those "pro ana" ones - well actually I'm not, I think EDs are shit, and I'm now "ana" because I binge binge binge, and ive only been underweight once and only barely, bla bla, but I need it anyway, so whatever - but I just felt I needed to post some sort of comment for some reason, so I hope this hasn't weirded you out too much!
    Lottie x

  3. Oh and since your from scunny, I thought I'd shove in that I'm from grimsby area too, just because I dunno, but I might as well say it! Sorry again!

  4. I'm so sorry to hear this! It is horrible when someone's life is taken so suddenly and in such horrible circumstances.
    I can definitely relate to how you're feeling.
    Earlier this year, a uni mate got caught in a rip and drowned while surfing. Complete freak accident, and even though I wasn't all that close to him, the news devastated me. He was still in my classes, and thus I still felt an affinity to him. Yet, at the same time I felt so guilty for feeling so upset because we weren't that close.

    The way people react to death is very interesting. It angers me when there are those who make such a fuss about their grief, when they had little connection with the person when they were alive. I experienced this when my uncle died last year with some of my cousins.

    I'm really sorry you've had to receive such shitty news so close to the holidays. My thoughts are with you.