Wednesday, 21 March 2012

End of term.

I made it. It's just about the end of term, and I made it. I was convinced they'd have chucked me out by now and I've hardly handed in anything on time, but I'm here, I'm reasonably together and I've not done all that badly. So three cheers for me, hahahaha. I'm feeling a bit more positive right now. My head is starting to slow down a bit, but, well, that's not to say that I'm not still an utter nightmare; I ended up in hospital at the beginning of the week and while they assessed me after I'd be in 12 hours and decided they couldn't section me, they did want me to go in informally so they could fanny about with my meds. But I haven't the time nor the energy, being in hospital has a bloody awful effect on me, I've said before about hitting my head and losing it when I feel trapped, so being locked up just isn't REEEEEALLY often much of a help. Babysit me when I'm suicidal, sure, but right now I'm not and I'll be JUST FINE all by myself, ta.

Physically, I'm a bit of a mess too. I've not weighed myself since the last time I blogged, because the number really, really took it out of me. I think I've maybe lost a little, but I still feel ridiculously uncomfortable and like nothing really fits. I've consigned myself to the end of my wardrobe that contains the clothes 4 sizes above my usual size, so I'm working the bag lady thing right now even more than usual. But I get to go home and eat healthily and whatever, I always eat better in Scunny 'cause I can sort of align myself with what Ginge eats. I haven't had a single sober day since I was in hospital for that couple of days after the OD, which has some really horrific physical effects, I've got the runs an' all. There's definitely a lesson to be found from the weight, the booze and the state of my bank balance (maxed out overdraft, again. Urgh).

Positive, positive, positive.

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