Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Confidence.

I've just spoken to my lawyer. I want to cry, but the system is not getting any more tears out of me. It turns out that while I thought he was confident about getting the Section off my record, for it being unlawful, he actually was confident about getting me off Section (which would mean I got out of hospital, but wouldn't erase it from my record), for it being unlawful. Which isn't all that handy, by the way, 'cause I got myself discharged on Monday. Despite lying my arse off about how I'd been sober in the entire time I'd been on leave, as I'm sitting there almost falling asleep, covered in cuts and bruises and dinosaur skin transfers, all from summer ball. JOLLY GOOD TIMES.

Now my record, however, and chances of ever leaving the EU or having a bloody career are not looking quite so jolly good. He's off to do the lawyer version of asking about, to see if there might be any chance of it, which fills me with approximately zero confidence. There's not a lot I can do, and so worrying is completely pointless, but nonetheless. I don't know, I'll see what he says and maybe I'll try the mental health charities. I desperately don't want to let it drop, but there is an end to every road and I'm hoping this isn't it.

On a completely different confidence note, I'm off on holiday tomorrow and I'm nervous. Since my last entry I've eaten pretty well and felt pretty good, which feels a bit bizarre given that in the run up to spending a week in a bikini, I feel like I should be subsisting on salad and Pepsi Max. But no, this is my body, this is what it wants- no, is programmed- to weigh, and so I will not attempt to change that. I won't. But it's making me a bit nervous, last time I went on a proper bikini holiday I weighed maybe about 7kg less than I do now. I looked like shit, don't get me wrong, BUT STILL, hahaha. In an attempt to calm myself, I tried on all on my summer clothes, clothes for the nights and that, and everything fits lovely and all is fine, it turns out I haven't balloon'd over the last week- who'd have guessed it, eh? Not me, seriously, I always presumed accepting a weight was a slippery slope to immediately becoming obese. But given that I weigh the exact same now that I weighed before I accepted it, the weight my body has returned to every time I've lost weight over the last few years, I reck I'm probably safe for the moment.

2 comments:

  1. Don't be so hard on yourself re: "bikini body" - it's all photoshop and lies and you know it.

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  2. Oh, I know that. I'm not exactly sure what's making me stress, I think it's just really an outlet for all the legal bollocks, 'cause I know I'm going to have a good week and won't give a balls about the bikini body thing as soon as I see someone who isn't rail thin, which is likely to be a good percentage at the people at our hotel, given we're off all inclusive, hahaha

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