I got a letter from my therapist.
He lied to me. I'm sure there must be some patient-therapist code of conduct whereby they're not meant to fucking lie to their patients or clients or service-users or whatever bullshit term they call us, these days. But to receive a letter written on the very day of my last appointment, the appointment where I was told I needed to move back down south, but wouldn't be discharged from the service if I did, telling me that I am in fact being discharged? I actually begged him not to discharge me, 'cause I could see where it was going, and he agreed not to. All I want is some fucking help and nobody is prepared to help me. This is what always fucking happens.
Right now he's citing the lack of stability caused by my hospitalisations. Now, forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't there some sort of connection here? Therapy/psychiatric admissions? You know, like how I'd not need so many if I had some fucking help? He cites the fact that I've had to travel down the country. Well, I'm sorry that I had nowhere to live in Essex for a month, I'm sorry that my family aren't local. But given that he told me to move permanently back down and I am doing, as soon as I can? What else could I fucking do? He cites my alcohol use, and even acknowledges that I'm ready to change that because I am fucking SICKSICKSICK of this dependency, and that I'm willing to go into hospital and do detox, if that's what the alcohol service think I ought to do, when I go see them.
The letter finishes with some sort of, what? Nicety? Bullshit about how I can go back on another 2 year waiting list and be reassessed for therapy, once all of the above is fixed?
I'd laugh if this wasn't real life, if this wasn't MY real life that everyone is fucking about with. I just want some fucking help and everyone is just passing the buck, as per. It's always bullshit about how wide my problems are, each service is never equipped to deal with them all. I bet the alcohol service tell me they can't help me. Nobody can ever fucking help me.