They've found a lump in my eye and two opticians and an optometrist have decided it needs to be seen up at the hospital. I'm scared. It's in my left eye, which is pretty much useless anyway, but I'm scared. I looked at my face earlier, truly looked, and despite all I punish myself for what I see as its ugliness, I am terrified of it changing. Please don't let there be anything else wrong. The eye was operated on when I was 7 and since it was spotted as bad when I was 3, my vision has gradually deteriorated. Please, please let it be ok. Please just don't let me lose my vision in it; I struggle enough with my face as it is, and vain as this sounds; I can't take the change.
It's all so fucking ugly. I'm tired of shit going wrong. And I'm alone in Essex, going back north tomorrow, far sooner than planned, because I need my mum so much.