Monday, 12 November 2012

I need to write.

It's been almost a month since my last post and not a whole lot has changed. I'm not self harming anymore- I actually almost lost my lower right arm due to it. I got a terrible infection and was told by a doctor it had been caught just in time (I was then admitted to hospital for IV antibiotics and all that kind of balls). I'm still stuck indoors, I'm still underweight, I'm just not where I feel I ought to be, not at all.

The comments on my last post meant a lot, by the way, and logical Condron knows that health comes first. Fucked up Condron is convinced everything is fucked up. Guess who wins most days?

I miss writing here, I suppose it's the only way I ever really know how I'm feeling. Although I know I'm just permanently anxious right now and nowt is taking the edge off. I have a selection of various pills, and nowt is even beginning to touch it. I feel a such a need to write, but I don't even know where to start, what even I NEED to write. I'm so out of touch with myself, I think, I have been since I was admitted in August, when my writing mostly stopped. So I'm back. I'm going to keep trying, keep coming back, keep typing typing typing until I finally work this shit out, work out how I feel and all of that. I need to write.

stopbeinginappropriatewithyourbread has, over the years, been my best therapist, ever.

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean Rebecca, I write to give myself a voice... it is always here for me, it doesn't leave me. I can say what I want.

    Keep writing, I will always read it, I pray things get better for you!!