Friday, 30 November 2012

Old lady joints.

Ginge has had Arthritis for as long as I can remember, so I suppose I was always pre-dispositioned to get it young myself, but I blame the fact that I've spent more years of my life with an eating disorder than without (even accounting for the years I was in recovery, before this blip), for quite how young I got it. There are far more consequences to this shit than weight fluctuations and swollen glands, let me tell you. Naively, I expected that this winter my joints wouldn't be too bad, because I have less weight on them, but God my left hip especially has gone today. The temperature has dropped and Jack Frost has taken his pneumatic drill to my body.

I've taken some Tramadol and now I'm a bit dopey, but my hip feels better and it's making me calmer. I was a bit of a mess this morning, I saw my shrink 'cause I wanted my meds, esp my anti-depresso, increased and while he upped that a tiny bit and gave me some sleeping pills (I yawned constantly, hahaha), everything else is apparently too high for my current size anyway. I have to gain 2kg in the next two weeks, for him to consider upping shit, 'cause my weight was down this week and my height was a little higher than I thought, so that's lowered my BMI. If I lose, they decrease my meds. I want to gain the weight, I want to gain far, far more in fact, but at the same time, I feel ginormous... such is the paradox of the disease, I know, but I just want to be where I was a few months ago.

I want to be this Rebecca Condron again, please. That's what I would like for Christmas.

1 comment:

  1. I know where you are coming from Rebecca, you restrict your food... I eat the wrong items and in larger amounts than necessary. I have decided that once my legs heal from the weakness/pain that I have (due to a pill) I am going to make exercise and eating healthy a priority in my life, otherwise no one else will... why don't we do this together Rebecca? We can be each others support through email or chat on Facebook... Tell me what you think, I know I need someone who understands food issues :)