Thursday, 13 June 2013

Sneaky sneaky.

This unit really, really believes in The Power of the Group. That has to be capitalised, it really is, like, what it's all about. I wanted to make a cult based here, and I most certainly believe I could, hahaha. Here, the idea of group work trumps logic, I sometimes feel- stick-face-packs-on group; colour-in-pictures-of-Winnie-the-chuffing-Pooh group... granted, plus a few more therapeutic ones, if you can imagine anything more therapeutic than those ;). Me, I'm a bit of a dosser. If you saw my attendance at uni, and configured it with my attendance to groups here, you'd see I have made a touch of progress, but I really am about the skive. Everything is better when you're meant to be doing else- it's a terrible, glorious, fact of life. Hiding, watching the news, reading a book- sometimes boredom inducing, but all more delicious when I ought to be playing Bingo. Right now, I'm in a group. And, although I am allowed to be using the computer, this feels very, satisfyingly, naughty. Sneaky sneaky. I sound terrible, right? I'm not as bad I sound, and I am working on it, swear down. I mean, I go to the worthwhile groups, morning meetings and reflection and therapy that kind of thaang. I'm just a bit of a nightmare with authority, and I've completely convinced myself that skipping bits and pieces is sticking it to the man. I shouldn't have spent my teens wishing I was in Paris in 1968, pfft.

But anyway, in actual news, yesterday I saw the dietitian. It started quite well, I told her that I was sick of this disorder and I just want out, which is completely and utterly true... until I'm faced with food. Then Logical Condron goes to sleep and the beast of the disorder rears its ugly face and completely takes over. Long story short, I agreed to try potato in the next week, and then mentally shut down and disassociated completely. An hour and some meds later, I calmed back down and I stand by everything I want to achieve. I'm not quite ready to gain weight, but I'm definitely ready to increase my intake, stop losing weight, and try what I've deemed a 'Gateway Carb'- the humble potato. The humble potato is becoming symbolic. It's the Marijuana of the world of carbohydrates, leading me onto hardcore carbs... watch this space, I'll maybe one day face, dun dun dun, pasta.

Well, group is all but over and so I'm going to have to leave this mess of an entry. Time for a cheeky fag and a nap, I think. It's a hardknock life.

2 comments:

  1. Rebecca... I love when you write, you are just so darned honest... I would have you no other way...

    I hope you give that potato a chance.... give yourself a chance. I'm happy to know you a bit, if only on the blog and Facebook... you have a way of making me smile with your realness... more people need to be more real.. not so fake...

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  2. I'm glad to hear you're rebelling, you wouldn't be Rebecca otherwise!

    Get on that potato girl! By the way I'm itching to quote a Rharian Line- cant resist so 'but fooood is your medicine!!' hahaha. So unhelpful wasn't it!?

    much love xxxxxx

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