Friday, 20 June 2014

Before and after.

Well, the NG tube came out on Wednesday and I've been back at my usual hospital since then. There's so much I want to say about it, but I'm disassociating a lot right now, and to be honest I'm a bloody mess. I need to write, to talk, but the words that come out don't even sound like me. I don't recognise my voice or my actions. I'm not me at all.

I so desperately need, well, I don't even know. I don't think my meds are right, I'm not sleeping and I ache so much, because I've gone from a wheelchair to constantly being on my feet. I hurt.

I don't know what else to say, so I'm just going to post a before and after pic, because when I look at it, I realise how much better I look. That scares me. I'm petrified of that kind of attention right now, but at the same time I need to keep telling myself that even though my anorexia has shit all to do with looking pretty, health is the ideal. I'm proper confused.


2 comments:

  1. Keep it up hun. I don't want to push you in any way so I'm not going to draw attention to your appearance. Good that the tube came out and you're walking with your two feet. Hang on <3

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  2. You have the same beautiful smile Rebecca... I love that about you. I know you are struggling, we all do, nothing is very easy. Keep fight though, you are very much worth it xox

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