Well, the NG tube came out on Wednesday and I've been back at my usual hospital since then. There's so much I want to say about it, but I'm disassociating a lot right now, and to be honest I'm a bloody mess. I need to write, to talk, but the words that come out don't even sound like me. I don't recognise my voice or my actions. I'm not me at all.
I so desperately need, well, I don't even know. I don't think my meds are right, I'm not sleeping and I ache so much, because I've gone from a wheelchair to constantly being on my feet. I hurt.
I don't know what else to say, so I'm just going to post a before and after pic, because when I look at it, I realise how much better I look. That scares me. I'm petrified of that kind of attention right now, but at the same time I need to keep telling myself that even though my anorexia has shit all to do with looking pretty, health is the ideal. I'm proper confused.