Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Happy birthday?

It was my birthday on Monday, and I won't lie; it was bloody awful. Without giving too many details, the ward was unsettled as hell, I was hallucinating and I finished the day vomiting for hours because I accidentally drank a smoothie with an orange juice base. I've had some shitty birthdays, so I should really be used to it- when I turned 15, we became effectively homeless. When I was 22, I was really ill and in a psych hospital in Essex, and was woken up, given a shit load of pills and then was out. I sort of came around on a motorway, then next thing, I'm in Scunthorpe's acute ward (sadly, my second home until I came to this hospital). I've had too many hospital birthdays. No more, please. Oh, and let's not forget my 7th, where at my party all everyone was talking about was Princess Diana's death the day previously, and not about how fabulous I am. Woe.

My birthday is always bitter-sweet. Memories of past birthdays and wonder that I've made it to whatever age I become. 24. Who would have thought it?

But anyway, the day before my birthday was amazing, though. This picture about sums it up:

I'm just about managing to get by, being as goal orientated as I possibly can be. I want to become informal (that is, not sectioned) this year. I want to be out really by the beginning of next. To have a relatively normal 25th birthday. I really think I'm ready, but whether I am or not, is more than a bit confusing. Sometimes, I'm not sure whether I'm pushing it because I want to get out and seriously hurt myself, but most of the time I'm certain that's not it. I don't know. I just need to keep fighting.

1 comment:

  1. Keep on fighting Rebecca... I am rooting for you to have a so called 'normal' birthday for your 25th... at least I hope it will be more fun than you have had in the past.