Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Physical health + mental health.

'When I saw you a few weeks ago, I could tell you were Anorexic just from looking at you, but now you wouldn't know!'

First off, let me just clear something up- I don't romanticise being underweight. I don't look at pictures of the emaciated without feeling unbearably sad for the people concerned. I don't fantasise about bones and paper skin and physically fragility. I hate my body at low weights, as much as I hate it at healthy one. But with that said, I do have a bit of an identity problem, where it's hard to work out who I am without the eating disorder. I'm not sure, most of the time, that I am anything more than a creaking version of Pandora's Box.

As much as I hate all of my issues being evident to anybody who sees me (or, at least, as much as I hate people assuming they know my issues from the stories of my visible bones), I'm almost missing not having to feel constantly like I have to justify and explain my suffering. I was chatting to Alex the other day, and she made a comment about her head being behind her body, and it's so completely bang on for me, too. My head isn't ready to accept my relatively new healthy body, nor am I as mentally well as I am physically (which says a lot considering I'm always physically ill). I'm struggling even more, now, with food than I was before.

Weight gain is a crucial part of recovery from being at an Anorexic low weight. But it's just that; a part. It's dealing with one symptom- weight loss- and not with any of the issues that caused the weight loss. It's important to stabilise physical health, but it's just as important to stabilise mental health, too. So, to get to the quote I started with, making a comment like that is just so, so ignorant. And unnecessary. I spend too much time already crying over my size, without thinking that others are spending their time too analysing my size, too.

Just please, please don't mention what I'm eating, how I'm eating, what my body looks like, what my weight is... it's pretty simple, because you wouldn't make comments to a non-anorexic about their size if they'd gained a lot of weight, and that unwritten rule applies even more to those of us struggling to conquer our skeletons.

1 comment:

  1. I think as a society we need stop judging each other on how skinny or how big we are... our weight does not make us who we are... it does not define us... Very well said Rebecca xox