Thursday, 4 December 2014

Fuck up.

I'm been dreading writing this, as if once I publish it on here it becomes solidified. Tuesday was horrible. HORRIBLE. Worse than expected. I can't bring myself to say what happened, but see my last post and you'll get it.

I'm feeling like a battery hen at the moment and it's all I can do not to go stark and start ripping my (hypothetical, ish) feathers out. I just need something to go right, to feel proud of something. I feel like such a failure. Such a fat failure. I'm almost crying as I type because I feel so strongly against myself, and everything I do. It's never good enough. And right now I don't even know what precisely I'm doing wrong, just that it fits somewhere in the EVERYTHING category.

And I swear, if I read one more bragging weight-loss thread of facebook I'm out. The only achievable thing for me right now is to lose weight, and I'm fighting so hard to swim against the current, but it's dragging me in. Why the hell does weight have anything to do with achievement-

And now I'm crying. It took a staff member to come and ask what I wanted for supper and I'm crying like a fucking baby. Such a fuck up.

1 comment:

  1. You are not a fuck up Rebecca... you have so much to go against.. I believe in you. I know we can both get past our demons.. we have different ones but you and I are fighters... I'm not giving up, I hope you keep fighting too... we will both overcome these nightmares we are in... message me any time, there will never be any judgements from me...