Friday, 24 April 2015

Skin.

I have what I always used to consider to be awful skin. I had bad acne as a kid but it was pretty much medicated out of me at about 14. I don't have any craters or scars from the years, but I do have a skin thing called 'hyperpigmentation' (just too much colour saturation, really) most likely caused by hormonal shifts. Which you'd kind of expect, because after every relapse I have to basically go through puberty all over again. Those golden years, eh? The years of acne prepared me, unconsciously, to the fact that covering myself in foundation isn't going to solve the problem. It always gave me the attitude there, though, that there IS a problem that can be solved somehow, just without make-up. And that's so wrong.

I was a child and I hated my skin almost as much as I hated my thighs. I tried all kinds of remedies to my acne, including a kind of acid peal that got rid of the spots, but also most of my facial skin. I was desperate enough to essentially burn my skin off, to look how I thought I should. I reiterate- I was a child. I spent all my pocket money on all kinds of remedies; herbal pills, vitamins to the point of OD (you just get the runs. Which led to dehydration and worse skin. It wasn't fabulous), all manner of facial potions, hairspraying my face, drinking 3l of water a day... any product that told me I'd have decent skin, basically.

I'm 24 now and I've made my peace with my skin and 'blemishes' and 'imperfections' so I'd like to share it with you. That brown area, the freckles, the lumps and bumps are pretty much only on the left side of my face. That's fine. If it spread over my whole face, you know what? That would be cool, too. It doesn't need explanation, diagnosis, apologies. That is my face and it's a face I'm proud of. That pigmentation is due not to my anorexia, but to my recovery. Those marks show that I won, I physically went back through puberty, essentially, because I'm in recovery. Those are the marks of the survivor, not the victim.



It's not always (or usually, for that matter) obvious in photos. I took the above picture today and the below at the weekend, so nothing has changed with my skin in that time, I just wanted to demonstrate the difference. It's not a particular victory when my marks aren't obvious, but it's not a disappointment, either. They are a part of me and thinking of them as a badge of honour for my battle makes looking in the mirror as damn sight easier. My marks are not flaws. THEY ARE NOT FLAWS. And how ever your face evolved, your face is not in the slightest bit flawed or imperfect or in need of ridiculous remedies.

1 comment:

  1. Rebecca, that's what I think about my scars that I have.. they all make me who I am. Without them I am not sure I would be who I am... I am grateful for them ♡

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