Wednesday, 3 June 2015

Oh hey, I'm gay.

If I had ever bothered going into the closet, this would be me coming out. So let's pretend I buggered off into it (to Narnia, right? I never bothered reading those books), hid for a 24 years amongst boys and fur coats, and then popped out right now. Don't get me wrong, I've identified as gay for years and am perfectly open about it, but I'm not a 'gold-star lesbian' (vom). It just turned out for me that boys were the phase and not girls, apparently the opposite to how it should be. You don't have to judge my sexuality, and I don't need to justify my attractions. I can't even imagine why you would judge or expect me to explain exactly why I'm attracted to women... unless, of course, you're a drunk man hitting on me, that is. In which case, enjoy your right to tell me that-

A. I'm too pretty to be gay.
B. I can't be gay, because I'm dressed girly/have long hair/wear make up/etc.
C. I only think I'm gay because I've not met you before (sorry, I know you think you're original with that line, but if we look at all the times that's been said to me, the numbers aren't in your favour).
D. I'm a prick tease.

I'm sure there's a compliment in all of the above, but actually it's a bit bloody scary. I mean, come on, you'll claim you're scared of bending over in front of a gay lad, but you don't realise that as a woman, I have much more to fear from you as a straight man. As a gay woman, I'm lucky to have been born where I was and not in a place that practises rape as a save. As a strong woman, I can laugh in your face but completely fail to understand your need to cure any part of me. I'm doing pretty well without you saving me, but thank you for your concern anyway.

The reason that I've identified as gay for years but have never written about it before is pretty simple- I haven't needed to. That's all. I've not particularly even thought about it, because why would I? Let me know where you got the bunting for you HEY EVERYONE, I'M STRAIGHT party, right, and I'll get straight on painting the outside of my house with rainbow paint. The only reason I'm even posting this now is that I am tired. I am tired of being told that I am not a good enough as a lesbian because I- oh my gosh- look like a girl. A woman looking the way you'd expect, given our society, a woman to look? Suspect. Can't be trusted. I am tired of hearing the troubles my friends have gone through, when they walk down the street 'looking' gay. I am tired of not being good enough as lesbian because I'm femme, but my less femme girls aren't good enough for this bloody world. I'm tired of people trying to make me feel like I don't belong in a group that is all about belonging. 

Let's all be friends. I mean come on, right, any straight men reading this. You get it. Boobs- they're great. Why would you think I wouldn't have realised that?

(I'm not stupid)

2 comments:

  1. I adore you Rebecca... insanely ♡ ... my neice is so girly...and femme... she is a lesbian and had known it since she was very young...She is gorgeous and gay... I love her for being herself xox... ♡

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  2. Wow. People have actually said that you're not good enough because you're femme and girly? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! People can be so thoughtless.

    I think it's sad too that people have to officially "come out", as if they are just expected to be shoved in a closet at birth and have to actually verbally announce that they're gay. Straight people don't have to say a thing, or make their choices publicly known, so why should anyone who is gay/bi/trans/etc. Why can't they just BE and live? It's unfair that we can't just be ourselves but straight people can without judgement.

    I admire you for posting this in such a sarcastic, honest matter. I think you're perfect just the way you are. Just as we all are.

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