Friday, 14 August 2015

A medication review

I shake, rattle and roll. I shake as a result of a barely-there heart condition (it sounds a lot more of A Thing than it actually is), rattle because I am on a ridic amount of meds and push me down a hill and they see me rollin' (they hatin' etc etc). As exciting as the shaking and rolling is- does that sounds dirty or is it just me?- it's the rattling that I fancy focussing on. Every meds review I have with my psychiatrist makes me feel like we should be rating them out of stars and deciding if they live up to the hype. So that's EXACTLY what I'm going to do. I can't think of a single problematic thing about this concept.

The One To Prevent Psychosis.
The name- Olanzapine.
The hype- Psychosis be gone! Voices! Visions! Vivid thoughts/feelings! Other things that start with V! All gone!
The bad- Imagine having your blood replaced with molten steel. I'm not sleepy-tired but I'm a heavy mardy bum. And you know how if you give your goldfish too much food they'll eat it all and then die? I'm a bit like that. But alive.
The good- Now I'm out of hospital and my voices have calmed down and I've not tried to hurt myself since the change of meds, so that's pretty cool. My head's still loud and I get verrrry overwhelmed with senses and situations, but it's not pointless.
The rating- A good, solid, ***. Maybe **** because it's only getting marked down for my appetite and part of that is probably hormones. Ok, ok, offish ****. Top stuff (unless I gain more).

The One To Prevent Depression.
The name- Sertraline.
The hype- Banish the black dog!
The bad/the good- I'm lumping the good and bad together here because it's pretty hard to really judge this one. I'm a lot more stable than I was on my last anti-depressant (they only work for so long before you have to change) but anti-depressants, they don't just ZING and make you happy. Just gradually, over 6 weeks or so, thing get a bit lighter and brighter. Sadly, the idea of a proper happy pill is just a myth. Nothing can make you happy, not a thing. Instead, it's all down to you,
The rating- Somewhere between *** and ****. It just depends on how realistic I'm feeling.

The (1st) One To Prevent Anxiety.
The name- Pregabalin.
The hype- Vanquish the anguish!
The bad- Weird side effects. Every now and again my neck locks and I end up examining ceilings. I've seen some reyt good ceilings and sort of you know how in bad films people find shapes in clouds? I've done that with bad paint jobs. It kind of hurts. And my jaw locks and I end up talking like Clint Eastwood (he has a really manly, stiff voice, right?).
The good- I'm not kidding, this stuff is magic. When I first went on it, within a few days my panic attacks (which I was getting maybe about 5 a day) just kind of disappeared.
The rating- Don't even care about the side effects- *****. Two thumbs up. Top stuff.

The (2nd) One To Prevent Anxiety.
The name- Promethazine.
The hype- Sleep it off, oh-oh (sung to the tune of Shake It Off)!
The bad- Sometimes it's really bloody inconvenient to take a sedative 3 times a day. Swear it takes me an hour until I can function when I get up. That could be general slobbishness, but let's pretend it's not (sometimes it genuinely hard to tell what's medication/mental illness and what's my personality).
The good- Well, yanno, sometimes sleep kills time.
The rating- *** I'm a bit on the fence, because I think just making someone tired is kind of cheating. Step it up, Prometh!

I also take Lorazepam and Zopiclone (for anxiety and insomnia, respectfully) when I need them and a load of boring physical health ones. I've messed up my body with the eating disorder years as much as the abuse years messed up my head. There isn't a lot to say about them, just that I'm alive, which is pretty cool. People ask me when I'll come off my meds, like I'm not, I don't know, achieving until I'm off them. It's a bit like me asking you when you're going to give up caffeine. You might one day, you might not. It's just not that big of a deal and if you need a coffee to get going of a morning then it's not the biggest inconvenience going. 'm not exactly sure why it bothers me. I suppose, it's like people are questioning my effort. But I reckon I'm going to save that for another post because I have SO MANY FEELINGS on this one.

1 comment:

  1. Rebecca, I hope you will be helped by these pills even with the side effects... they sound a little scary but a necessity.

    I wanted to tell you that you inspire me when I know many of the challenges you have dealt with and yet you keep fighting to better yourself.