Wednesday, 21 October 2015

A-Z of mental health recovery.

A is for Adventures.
Not all who wander are lost, sure, but not all of those lost are bothered about doing what the sat nav is insisting upon. Turn around? No thank you. Missed turnings? Oh, all the time. Having to return to hospital or to do what the mind monsters insist on? Not any more.

B is for Bones.
Bones are just a feature of the body. Why I spent so many years bothered about having them jutting out is beyond me. That crap wasn't comfy. They're pretty great at holding up the body and protecting organs and all the other bits you learn about in primary science, but that's about it.

C is for Cocktails.
You say 'empty calories' like that's a bad thing.

D is for Dancing.
And not just to burn calories. Maybe because you've done something great or because you're a bit sad and need cheering up or maybe just because, HELLO, it's fun to be silly.

E is for Excitement.
The good kind of butterflies (I don't like real butterflies. They're just peasants who got knighted and forgot that they were once just hairy poos) where your face feels like it will split open from smiling.

F is for Fat.
Good for insulation, great for filling bras.

G is for Gorgeous.
You are, you know.

H is for Hospital.
More specifically, nipping in because you fell over because you're clumsy or to visit a new baby or to check whether you broke you toe when you drunkenly stubbed it. Just nipping in, as opposed to another mental health admission.

I is for Internet Dating.
I have a new girlfriend who is way out of my league in personality AND looks. Thank you, internet. Not just for trolls, apparently.

J is for Jokes.
I can actually remember punch lines now. Not that I can really repeat any of my best ones on here.

K is for Kicking Arse.
Every day you breathe through the pain and keep goinggoinggoing even though it's like wading through treacle, you are kicking arse. You are alive and that's what kicking arse does- it keeps you alive.

L is for Love.
Of course. To love and to be loved is pretty great and to even like yourself, I'm finding, is kind of cool (albeit weird). When I especially don't like myself, I especially don't like other people, which makes me dislike myself even more. I think I'm starting to be an altogether alright person now.

M is for Mental.
Maths is mental. Well, mental maths is. You're not. You're funny and quirky and interesting and so, so much more than your illness.

N is for No.
You are allowed to say no. You're allowed to stand your ground. I've found that the world doesn't end if I need to take some time off, but that saying no to myself isn't always the way.

O is for Opposites.
Here's a game for you- for every time you put yourself down, you have to say two nice things about yourself. And your left boob and right boob don't count as two different ones, so don't try that. Me? I hate my thighs, but I'm mildly entertaining (if you like bad singers/dancers) and I'm great with kids (they tend to like bad singers/dancers).

P is for Personality.
I'm Rebecca Kate Condron and all of her layers and idiosyncrasies. I'm not my diagnoses, I am so much more.

Q is for Quiet.
When it comes to mental health, silence can kill, but quiet can soothe. Sometimes it's handy to step back and watch. Think instead of say and all that. It's ok not to always be the entertainment or the drama.

R is for Reason.
Reason to fight, reason to live. Find yours. Be yours.

S is for Shit Happens.
You can't control everything and it's kind of fun to just go with the flow (that phrase always makes me think of tampons, but you know what I mean) and ride it. Stressing yourself out over things that will happen whether you stress or not is not where it's at.

T is for Time.
Time to live, time to die. Time for, um, rhubarb pie.

U is for Universe.
It's bloody big out there. There's so much to do and see, and the world of being ill is so incredibly tiny. Too tiny to resign yourself to.

V is for Vanity.
Being ill isn't being vain, but neither is working on yourself. I've heard it said that therapy is self-indulgent, which is completely wrong because those hours are some of the hardest you will go through. Vanity really has nowt to do with mental illness, no more than it has to do with physical illness,

W is for Wardrobe.
Anorexia recovery, weight gain, the whole lot is a great reason (as if you need one) to buy new clothes. Embrace it.

X is for Xylophone.
Let them be made from plastic and given to children, rather than be made of your bones and given to your demons.

Y is for You.
You're so great that you deserve a letter all to yourself.

Z is for Zany.
It's good to be weird. Being what you expect normal is, is pretty bloody boring. You're odd, and that's why you're loved (and you are loved).

1 comment:

  1. Rebecca, I love your A-Z's... that one about running for rhubarb pie was cute and yes you are gorgeous xox