Thursday, 19 November 2015

New Year's resolutions.

I never care much for new year, mostly because I really bloody love Christmas and to me, NYE is only really notable for it being 51 weeks to the next Christmas. That's not to say I don't love a good party, because, y'know, vodka is great. I just don't really get why people can only make changes after midnight on that particular date. Saying that, I know that mid-November might be an odd time to be thinking about this, but I've decided that I'm going to make my New Year's resolutions now. But am I hell making them for 2016, because I'm fabulous and don't need to change... but I reckon I'm going to make a few for the last 10 years, just to get me up to date.

2006- Stop wasting time on anger.
I know you think you hate the world and I know you think you deserve to; you hate the situation you're in. But being angry at the situation is fine, being angry at yourself isn't. Go easy on yourself.

2007- Stop concentrating about the wrong priorities.
GCSEs are really. really unimportant, which you know and so you've done absolutely no revision. Good lass. Keep that up. But take your laid back attitude to your exams and apply it to your body. It just seems a bit backwards that you're more worried about how fat you'll look at prom than you are about qualifications that you'll carry with you.

2008- Stop worrying about what people think.
People come and go. There will always be people who love you, people who like you, people who are ambivalent and people who dislike you. There will be people who can't handle your lows or your highs. That's absolutely fine- everybody has their limits. Just remember to let people go when they need to look after themselves. You are important, but so is everybody else. Be fair. Let go.

2009- Stop looking forward to your demise.
You think that this year you'll move out, this year you can stop doing the minimum you do to keep alive. This year you can give up the final part. You're wasting your gifts planning the end, instead of the beginning.

2010- Stop worrying about being enough.
You have more to give than just your mind, as good as it sometimes is. You'll find out soon that you are more than your demons and smarter than your academics. You have nothing to prove.

2011- Stop blaming yourself.
It looks like you're on a one-way street to destruction. You're so angry at yourself, so adamant that all the wrongs committed against you are your fault, that you're missing the point that when you take out imagined wrongs on yourself, you're committing far worse wrongs. You did not ask to be hurt. If you had, had it been your fault, you'd not still be damaged from it.

2012- Stop resisting help.
A stitch in time saves nine. Accepting and recognising when you need help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You don't have to do everything alone. You're not alone.

2013- Stop expecting instant gratification.
Working on yourself takes time- it's not a case of it happening straight away, as much as you might wish for that to be the case. Don't let anybody make you feel like you're not trying hard enough or working hard enough. It's not about having a eureka moment and suddenly being your best self. Keep going.

2014- Stop thinking you don't deserve good things.
You've worked hard to get to where you are; it's not been easy, but you've got this far. Don't feel like you're not good enough for anything. You've earned the right to feel better, don't destroy yourself because it doesn't feel like you deserve it.

2015- Stop doubting yourself.
Babe, you've got this.

And for 2016, what then? I'm not going to make a resolution for this one. I'll keep my head above water, I'll keep fighting. I don't need to resolve to fix things now, I'll fix them as I go along. It's going to be ok.

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