Tuesday, 1 December 2015

Growing up.

I officially applied to uni yesterday. Slightly different from when I applied the first time around. Not just because the mental health nursing I'm planning on studying now is more than a bit different to the politics I did when I was younger (insert a joke about politicians being mental, I dare ya). The first time around I got my applications in just on time, because my tutor had been nagging me for forever to do it and I was pretty bloody awkward. Hello, I'm Contrary Mary. Back then, I eventually got my personal statement done after skiving college and getting hammered at dinnertime- a tradition that would result in being sober by teatime and totally recovered by the time I went to bed, for a good night's sleep. So grown up.

Eventually though, yesterday I got my applications done, all whilst sober. I may have just about grown up. It's funny, because selling myself was somewhat harder this time, as opposed to when I was 18. I think part of that is because I'm now more comfortable and confident in myself. I know that might sound a bit backwards, but to write my personal statement at 18, I had to be drunk and pretty much taking the piss a bit, because it was the only way I could possibly imagine writing it. Now, at the grand old age of 25, I was in the strange position of just about being able to write it sober, from the heart. 

I joke a lot about growing up. Comments about who/what I'll be when I grow up (tall, for example), laughs over how I thought by now I'd be a real grown up. Behind all the jokes though, there is something else. I feel like I never really did the usual steps that a lot of other people my age did, that signal adulthood- graduating, careers, leaving home, weddings, kids, and so on. I think a lot about where I should be, without acknowledging that I've had to take a totally different route from the average person, but have come pretty bloody far.

I think we all feel, at some point, like that episode of Rugrats where the kids have suits on and go to work. I think we all look at the lives of others and only notice the best bits. Which is fine, it stops us being horrible, but it'd probably make us all a bit nicer in general if we looked at ourselves with that kindness. I'm not sure what being an adult is really all about, part of me always feels like I've been one and part of me is sitting waiting for it to happen to me. I don't think it really matters though. All I do know, though, is that being 25 is a damn sight better than the adulthood 18 promised.

2 comments:

  1. Rebecca... I still don't feel like a grown up at my age... I wonder if anyone of us feel like that. I'm proud that you got your application in for uni... good luck ♡ xox

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  2. I'll be 25 next week and I think I can actually vouch for that statement from my heart as well. When I was 18 I didn't have the life experience that I do now, didn't have the job experience, the bachelor's and almost finished masters. I didn't know who I was as much as I do now or what I will tolerate and what I won't. You learn the value of the skills you have and how you can present them to the world to make it better. Lots of people wish for the teen years back but I don't. They were hard. They were awkward. I loved being able to go see college friends and some of the usual parties, studying abroad, but then a lot of then got married and added babies and real careers to their lives. That scared me but I think I'm settling into that beautiful chapter that will soon be mine. I get what you mean and I'm really excited for you to start this next journey.

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