Thursday, 29 September 2016

First meds reduction!

As I touched upon on my last post, I made the decision a month or so back that I wanted to come off my anti-psychotic... and I finally got the go ahead last week! I'm on quite a high dose of Olanzapine and I've been on anti-psychotics all of my adult life, so it's going to be a sloooooow process. When my psychiatrist told me how slow- I'm going to be tapered off over the next 6+ months- I was a bit disappointed. I want off it, like, last year. But, really, I can cope. At least it's all in motion.

My reasons for coming off are varied. A big reason is the side effects. I've gained a lot of weight from Olanzapine and I honestly don't think, on balance, it's going to be better for my mental health for me to stay on and to gain much more weight than it would be for me to come off it. I'm not even coming at this from an former anorexic point of view. I just feel it's not right for me, right now. That's not even the worst side effect, either. The worst is the fatigue. On the dosage I was on, I was sleeping 13/14 hours a night and still felt like my blood had been replaced with molten steel through the day. Bit bloody inconvenient.

I also just want to know if I can now cope without meds, although for now, I'm not too bothered about coming off any of my others because I don't get side effects from any of those. In the future, though, I def want to try coming off things. It's like, in the time since I was first prescribed anti-psychotics, I've had so much treatment and learnt so much about myself, and I'd like to see if I can put everything into action.

So I started coming off last week and I've been so ill from withdrawals. I feel like I've got the flu and had my first panic attack in a while last night, which is pretty sucky. I didn't really imagine coming off would make me feel this ill. I thought it would be exciting because I have literally never had my meds reduced unless I'm going onto something else, so it's a really big milestone. But honestly, I feel like I've been beaten up, everything hurts so much. So forgive me for how boring this post probably is, but I'm dyyyyyyying.

No comments:

Post a Comment