Monday, 20 February 2017

Once SBIWYB was 7 years old

It's been the best part of a month since I last posted, because I needed a bit of a break. In a few weeks, it will be 7 years since I started SBIWYB. I started it because I'd blogged on MySpace in my teens (lol, RIP. To both MySpace and my teens) and in the few years between the death of MySpace and me setting this up, I'd missed writing for me. Avoiding coursework and college work in those years was cool, but not quite the same. If you're not going to write as often or as well as you ought to, you might as well screw up for yourself, y'know?

The key thing was, I started this for me. I never wanted or expected internet fame, and hell- I never got it. I will say, though, I definitely wanted attention and that, I did get. Like, I really was doing it for me, and for the voice it gave me, even just amongst people I know. There's still such a stigma around mental illness and talking about it made a lot of people in my life uncomfortable. I don't know if they thought my issues would make them look bad (I just had to delete a comment identifying who I'm really talking about... but you know who, hahaha) or what, but in the early days, I got a lot of stick for doing this.

I'd say, since I turned my life around over the last few years, there's been far less conflict over this, and that's been great. But there's also been far less to say, I guess. In the earliest days, I mostly just wrote manic rubbish and I do think I got more articulate, but since getting out of hospital 2 years ago, I also think my writing might have got more dull. My life today is far better than it's ever been, but it doesn't make for as interesting a blog.

So, 7 years on, I'm in a pickle. I'm not ready to give up on SBIWYB, I've enjoyed writing every entry, but I also cringe a bit at how less often I post now. So, I took a break to have a think about these last 7 years and the direction I want to go in today. I came to the realisation that I wouldn't be without the record this has given me of my battle. I think from here on in, I'm going to focus on mental health stuff in the media, with occasional life updates, and focus less on my own- good- mental health. I'm not ready to end this, but I won't apologise for being well.